I guess I have a lot to say about this so I split it into 3 sections.

1  {What I like}

What I like to eat is 2-sided.  There is one side of me that loves all the health foods.  Where Whole Foods and Trader Joes make me glow.  I love the vibrant colors of fresh produce, and the earthy tones of whole grains.  I  enjoy learning new ways to prepare these foods.  I like the words “all natural,” “organic,” and “no additives.”  When I eat these foods I feel like I’m being kind to my body.  If this is all the case then why wouldn’t I just just eat them?

Because I really, really like the “unhealthy” foods too.

I love McDonalds.  I’m sorry, I just do.  Even after (and during) watching Super Size Me I craved a cheeseburger.  And even after seeing all those pics people post on facebook of the pink goo crap in their chicken, I still like it.  I hated when McDonalds made the switch to “all white meat” chicken nuggets.  The originals were juicier, far better.  Currently, the quarter pounder with cheese is my typical craving.  Of course with fries too.   I also love pizza.  Even Dominos.  Which is why I’ve memorized both Dominos and McDonalds delivery numbers.  No lie!  And yet I still can’t remember my boyfriend’s phone number.  Again, no lie!  I know Dominos has got to be the most unhealthiest versions of pizza but their creamy garlic dipping sauce is *magical*.

Also, I’ve always had an intense love for ice cream.   Both hard and soft.  (TWSS. ha!)  And I really adore adorning my ice cream with as much sprinkles as the surface area allows.   When I was very young, I was the candy queen.  Sour things, chocolate things, just sugar things really.  I would eat so much of it and the countless cavaties I had/have are proof.

And the thing is, while some of these foods are unhealthy (like McDonalds), most of the foods I call “unhealthy” aren’t actually unhealthy.  What’s unhealthy is the way in which I eat them.  Which brings me to my next point.

2  {Eating Patterns}

So I’ve just told you about my dichotomy with food.  Along with that is polar eating cravings, habits, patterns.

Basically, in my mind there is category 1 and category 2.  (Healthy and “Unhealthy” respectively).  And there are some habits I have with both.  For lack of better terms I’ll refer to it as cycle 1 and cycle 2.  (also, respectively).  When I’m eating C1 I don’t eat C2.   I won’t even crave C2.  Sometimes I’ll even scoff at the sight of C2, feel superior.  I’ll tote my Whole Foods bags with pride.  When I’m in cycle 1 I’ll constantly think of how much fat or sugar is in whatever I am going to put in my mouth.  I moderate what I eat and tally in my mind how much protein, carbs, fat and sugar I’m taking in.  When I’m in cycle 1, I am more active.  I exercise.  I go to the gym and sweat hard.  I guess this all makes sense- healthy whole grains, and nutrients means a happier and more active body.

On the flip side is cycle 2.  When I eat C2, I eat it like a glutton.  And the more I eat of it, the more I crave it.  Unlike C1, my mind will hardcore lust over C2.  And that craving will stick there.  I won’t get that quarter-pounder cheeseburger out of my head.  When I eat C2 I do not think of C1.  Trader Joes?  Okay, but only for the cookies and frozen fried stuff.  I’ll see people with Whole Foods bags and automatically label them as food snobs.  Not only will I eat unhealthy foods, I will eat normal foods in an unhealthy way.  For instance: bagels.  Bagels are okay for you.  But 6 bagels aren’t really.  A bowl of cereal for breakfast is fine.  A box is not.  Ice cream after dinner is fine.  Half a gallon 3x a week is not.  When I eat any C2, I can’t just eat a little each day.  So, it’s for these reasons that my mind automatically tags these actually normal foods as C2.

I. hate. these. patterns.  I hate that my brain even thinks in terms of C1 or C2.  I hate how much I think about food.  Which brings me to my next point.

3  {What I want}

I want to balance my 2 parts.  I want C1 & cycle 1 to coexist with C2 & cycle 2.  Not just coexist, but harmonize.  Balance I guess.  And when that happens, I hope my mind no longer thinks in terms of C1 and C2.

One of my food specific goals are to eat more real foods.  I want to spend more time in the kitchen preparing food and less time answering the door.  I’d also like to learn and practice new ways to prepare food and try new things.

I recently read The End of Overeating and Michael Pollan’s Food Rules, which I’ll write more in detail in a later post, but basically it helped me realize how important it is for me to make this change.


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